Hello August

Went out for a meal on Saturday night at the Erne Palace chinese restaurant in Killadeas. It was a really nice meal, but very, very expensive. For starters I had boneless ribs in crispy batter served in a peking sauce - gorgeous. Then for the main course chicken strips in a honey chilli sauce with boiled rice. Again, lovely food but a little too spicy for my taste.

The price was the main hang up. The starters were ove £7, and the main courses were approx £14 - £17. Very expensive. I mean you can go to the Kampar in Omagh and get a lovely meal (if not even nicer than the Erne Palace) for half the price!

Erne Palace is a lovely setting though - looking over the marina Lough Erne.

Girlfriends

Was sitting here trying to think of the names of all the girls i have "went out with" as we say in Norn Iron.

There was Wendy M & Cathy C (both pecks on the lips), Lorriane L (1st proper kiss), Nikki M (1st sexual contact...), Lynn T, Ann M, Marian Someone, Natalie B, Eileen McC (lost my virginity to on 14th April 1987, i was 14!!), Marisha Pert, Dinah H, Andrea McC, Nicola W, Alison B, Orla McA, Martina W, Lynn Someone, Caroline B and the missus. Oh and a prostitute in Amsterdam - no idea what her name was.

Not very many i guess. I slept with Eileen, Andrea (once - yuk), Marisha (the best), Caroline, Orla, Bronagh, and the prossie.

Gooners a Goner?

Dont ask me why i started supporting Arsenal. I started in primary school, while everyone else was supporting Man Utd, Liverpool or Rangers. I think i just thought I would support someone different...



Oh and they beat Man Utd in the FA Cup, so that was that sorted!



This summer we have seen the departure of Thierry Henry, and now even worse the departure of Mr Freddie Ljungberg!!! What is going on?? He used to be my favourite player, flying down the wing with the famous red streak down the middle of his hair...

Yea he has been useless for 2 or 3 seasons but hey!! he did score some class goals for us!

Heres to you - Freddie the Legend....

Ups and Downs....

In late 2003 i went to the doctor feeling very run down. I was tired constantly, had lost weight, no appetite, could not sleep, suffering dizzy spells. After much talking with him i was signed off work with stress and depression. I was later put on a course of anti-depressants, refered to a pyschiatrist, and given free counselling sessions from my employers.

There was so much going on in my life. My work was very stressful - high pressure to meet sales targets. I was being bullied by my boss. I was living on credit cards and running up debt. My marriage was under pressure, and i had began an affair with a girl i worked with. I then found out my wife was pregnant (unplanned) but we were both really happy about this.

The affair thing sounds bad but it wasnt planned. We started texting each other in May 2003, just flirty texts. These progressed to more sexual texts. Although we seen each other in work everyday, nothing physical happened between us until September, when we kissed. At the start of Oct 2003 we slept together. I already knew my wife was pregnant, but hadnt told Orla.

I went off work at the start of November, the combination of events above mounting into more and more pressure. I moved home to my parents, continued seeing Orla. The seperation had a devastating effect on my wife (and myself).

Looking back i dont even recognise the person i was during this phase of my life. I spent alot of time on my own, sitting in the car up in Portstewart. I dont like the person i was. I dont know who i was. Counselling helped, but not a great deal as i wasnt being 100% honest with the counsellor.

I am still depressed, though i realise now my periods of depression are more or less directly linked to my wifes moods (more of which another time...).

I am in a very dark place. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I want to crawl into a black hole, curl up into a ball and never be seen again. My life is shite. I hate myself. For who i am, for what i have done to people, to what i will no doubt want to do in the future. I am weak. Foolish. Liar. Hypocrite. Stupid. Cheat.

William and Kate

While one half of the UK is worried about terrorist attacks, car bombs and the like, the other half of the UK is obsessed with the on / off realtionship of Bonny Prince William and the girl Kate Middleton. Piece of advice Kate - stay well away!!

He looks like a boring, stuck up kinda guy. You are gorgeous, and could take your pick of any man going. Yea he is a prince, rich beyond your wildest dreams, and yea 1 day he will be King of England... but look at him - early 20's, bald as a coot. Sure what fun is that?? How embarrassed will you be when you go to some fancy restaurant and the waiter says "would you and your father like to see the menu..." haha. Lets face it, he seems to be a chip off the old block - his royal stuffiness Charlie isnt exactly an exciting prospect!

He has already dumped you once miss, in a very public manner, dont let him do it again!!

post no2....

i hope i can put down things here that i need to get off my chest

Bye for now...

Hello World of Blog

Hello. I am from Northern Ireland. I am 34 (almost 35) married with 2 beautiful daughters. I am just a typical guy, average life and average person. I have a job, a mortgage, debt, unhappiness, secrets, etc etc.

I have started this Blog thing as sort of an online diary. Just to keep a record of different things that are happening, my thoughts and feelings.

Dont know how much i will use my Blog, although the fact that I am largely anonymous makes me feel that i can openly vent my spleen here - and hopefully be more honest than ever before about the things that haunt me.

And i have alot of issues and complications in my life that i keep bottled up away from the world...
so maybe this blog will help me confront (or at the very least offer relief from) some of the issues that fill my sometimes crappy world.

Please feel free to post comments on anything you read here...